Sarah Palin: Shhhsh! My Secret Plan to Become President!!

October 12, 2008
Dreamin' of Bein' the Prez'

Dreamin' of Bein' the Prez

I’ll pull any string to win this thing!
I want to be VP so badly.
But what if I could be President?
Uh, that would mean no John, oh sadly.

He is kind of old – It’s a matter of time.
His health could begin to decline.
But doggone it! This is my one Big Chance.
And heck! There’s a four-year deadline.

There must be some way to speed this along.
I’m one clever fox, you betcha.
It’s gotta look like an accident
Or those men in suits will catch ya.

I’ll take him on a hunting trip!
A day all dark and rainy…
No one will suspect a thing
When I shoot him ala Cheney!

First thing I’ll do is tell the Saudis
We don’t need your stinkin oil!
We’ll Drill Baby Drill the Refuge.
Loss of wildlife? We’ll charbroil!

It’s easy to be President!
It just takes common sense.
Got too many Mexicans?
Just build a higher fence!

Our schools will teach the truth
About creation of mankind.
And when it comes to Sex Ed,
Every Child Left Behind!

I’ll be no Nervous Nellie
With those countries like Iran.
Why heck, we’ve got good bombers,
Let’s head out to Pakistan!

I’ll stand strong against all Terror.
All those laws I’ll modify.
The Patriot Act is child’s play
Next to my rebuilt FBI.

Gosh, I might go pick a Justice!
I’ll be sure She makes the grade
By asking Her in secret
‘Bout that evil Roe V. Wade.

In charge, I’ll make some changes
At the Engraving & Printing Bureau.
I’ll fix that sinking dollar!
From now on, we’ll print the Euro!

I keep hearin’ bout some bears on Wall Street.
Are they out there on the loose?
I’ll pull out my trusty rifle
And then shoot ‘em like a moose.

I’ll call on my religion
To lead and guide my hand
At End of Days and Armageddon…
I’ll be fully in command!

I will keep my plan a secret!
We must first win this election.
And when John goes up to Heaven …

You’ll be under my Protection
Using God’s Plan to Perfection!

I will change the world’s direction
Without any circumspection!

No one will suspect a thing when I shoot him ala Cheney

No one will suspect a thing when I shoot him ala Cheney

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Beware – Do You Dare Read My Palin Nightmare ?!!

September 9, 2008
Inauguration of President Sarah Palin - takes the oath of office

I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.

I dreamt She became the President.
I know that sounds extreme.
I am haunted by this nightmare:
McCain died in my dream…

Our country was in a state of shock.
Nobody could believe it.
And what misfortune the future held
Nobody could conceive it.

She took the Oath of Office
On that cold and windy day.
With her hand perched on the Bible
Our country slowly slipped away.

The first thing that she did that morning
When she came in from the cold
Was to call the Cabinet together
“It’s time for action. Let’s be BOLD!”

“Just go ahead and do your thing.
I need a minute to go pray.
As President of the country now
I need God’s Plan today.”

Down in the Situation Room
There was talk of terror, talk of doom.
A hostage crisis was unfolding.
It was an urgent meeting they were holding.

When President Palin waltzed into the Room
The military brass jumped at attention.
All worried about her leadership now
Among them, no dissention.

“Our embassy was stormed today
The terrorists now rule it
They have guns and bombs and poison gas
All within their evil tool kit.”

“Options 1 thru 4 are diplomatic
And unlikely to succeed.
Options 5 thru 9 use tactical force.
Tell us how we should proceed”

“No time to think. I will not blink.
I’m fully in command.
Just do something doggone it!
And use a heavy hand.”

“There are three world leaders who need to talk”
Five minutes later she was told.
She shrugged her shoulders and proclaimed,
“Not now, put them on hold”.

The Dow just dropped a thousand points!
World stock markets are crashing!
The United States cannot withstand
This economic thrashing!

All color drained from her face so strained.
Her voice cracked, but then went mute.
Her eyes went wide like the moose that died
That day she went out on that shoot.

Reporters packed the Briefing Room
Anxious questions filled the air.
They were waiting on the President
She had to be somewhere…

“Make them leave! Get rid of them!
President Palin said with great ire
I’ll do what I’ll do and I won’t go through
their baptism by fire ”

“But Madam, the country is in despair!
You must talk to them through the Press.” – he cried
“No reporters allowed here in my House
While I’m under such duress”. – she replied

Back in the hallowed halls of Congress
There were some who made a speech
At the end of Her First Day in Office
On their duty to impeach.

And then I woke up in a sweat.
The nightmare churning in my head
I should never have watched that video
Before heading off to bed.

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