Sarah Palin: Shhhsh! My Secret Plan to Become President!!

October 12, 2008
Dreamin' of Bein' the Prez'

Dreamin' of Bein' the Prez

I’ll pull any string to win this thing!
I want to be VP so badly.
But what if I could be President?
Uh, that would mean no John, oh sadly.

He is kind of old – It’s a matter of time.
His health could begin to decline.
But doggone it! This is my one Big Chance.
And heck! There’s a four-year deadline.

There must be some way to speed this along.
I’m one clever fox, you betcha.
It’s gotta look like an accident
Or those men in suits will catch ya.

I’ll take him on a hunting trip!
A day all dark and rainy…
No one will suspect a thing
When I shoot him ala Cheney!

First thing I’ll do is tell the Saudis
We don’t need your stinkin oil!
We’ll Drill Baby Drill the Refuge.
Loss of wildlife? We’ll charbroil!

It’s easy to be President!
It just takes common sense.
Got too many Mexicans?
Just build a higher fence!

Our schools will teach the truth
About creation of mankind.
And when it comes to Sex Ed,
Every Child Left Behind!

I’ll be no Nervous Nellie
With those countries like Iran.
Why heck, we’ve got good bombers,
Let’s head out to Pakistan!

I’ll stand strong against all Terror.
All those laws I’ll modify.
The Patriot Act is child’s play
Next to my rebuilt FBI.

Gosh, I might go pick a Justice!
I’ll be sure She makes the grade
By asking Her in secret
‘Bout that evil Roe V. Wade.

In charge, I’ll make some changes
At the Engraving & Printing Bureau.
I’ll fix that sinking dollar!
From now on, we’ll print the Euro!

I keep hearin’ bout some bears on Wall Street.
Are they out there on the loose?
I’ll pull out my trusty rifle
And then shoot ‘em like a moose.

I’ll call on my religion
To lead and guide my hand
At End of Days and Armageddon…
I’ll be fully in command!

I will keep my plan a secret!
We must first win this election.
And when John goes up to Heaven …

You’ll be under my Protection
Using God’s Plan to Perfection!

I will change the world’s direction
Without any circumspection!

No one will suspect a thing when I shoot him ala Cheney

No one will suspect a thing when I shoot him ala Cheney

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McCain – Gosh that Sarah Palin has sexy legs !

September 25, 2008
Photo of Sarah Palin and her legs and her sexy shoes

Photo from the Governor Palin Photo Album on the Official Campaign Website of John McCain..

I woke up this morning with a thought:
Gee, have I been unfair?
I keep writing all these negative posts
Such as “My Sarah Palin Nightmare“.

It seems so desperately obvious to me
That Palin was a poor choice
For McCain to pick just any-old-gal
To give his campaign a “Woman’s Voice”.

Yet as weeks go by I’m still amazed
That plenty of people seem not to mind.
So off I went to johnmccain.com
To see what I could find.

What I really wanted to know was:
What is Sarah about?
So that’s where I began my journey
I hoped I could relieve my doubt.

On the main website page
I clicked on “About”
Then I clicked on the “Photo Gallery”
And then I spaced out.

In there for all to see and love
In the Governor Palin Album
Was the photo that I show above –
Why, it made this old gal feel numb.

With all of the issues
We women face today
Why would McCain choose
Sarah’s shoes to display?

Could it be that McCain is just a “dirty old man” ?
Who thinks he can get votes any way that he can?
The stilettos are great, but please don’t stop there!
What we really want to see is her fur-lined underwear!

I need to know this:
What is in McCain’s head?
That he chose this photo
For his campaign’s op-ed?

If Obama had picked Hillary
As his VP this election
Would he use this type of photo
To represent his selection?

McCain, you’re so quick to cry “sexist”
You can’t have it both ways!
Is she just some sexy chick
To solve your campaign’s malaise?

If not, then get rid of that picture!!!!
And allow us to care
About serious issues
And not her shoes, glasses, and hair!

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The Hills are Alive With The Sound of Sarah …

September 12, 2008

The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Sarah!

The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Sarah!

 

Sung to the Tune of “Do Re Mi”
DOE, a deer, I like to shoot
Hur-RAY, a cheer I hear a lot.
ME, is what this is all about
FAR, a long long VP shot
SO, who cares if I don’t know?
LA, a note to follow SO
Par-TEE, I love my GOP!
Which will not bring back the doe I shot, oh..

Sung to the Tune of “How Do We Solve a Problem Like Maria”
How do we solve a problem like our Sarah?
How do we make her seem all in the know?
How do we find a word that means our Sarah?
A Hockey Mom, A Pitbull, Anti-Roe.

Many a thing we know we’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do we make her seem
Not so quite extreme
What do we do about those books she banned…

Oh, how do we solve a problem like our Sarah?
How do we sell inexperience to our Land?

Sung to the tune of “I Have Confidence”
I have competence to rule you.
I have confidence you’ll obey.
I have confidence to rise about the fray.
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!

Strength doesn’t need to be Worthy!
Strength doesn’t need to be Smart!
Strength Isn’t meant to Encumber!
When you go vote – Vote for Me – Do your part !!

I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in ME!!!!!!!

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Sarah Palin: Whew! It’s hard to beat my Schoolin’ !

September 8, 2008
The Palin College Collage

The Palin College Collage

I’ve been questioned about my background
And my political expertise.
My educational experience
Should put you all at ease.

I started out at UH-Hilo
in 1982.
Left after a few weeks out there – –
The rain just spoiled the view.

Made my way to Honolulu
To Hawaii Pacific College
Assured of my good judgment
In my pursuit of greater knowledge.

I finished that semester
In the Fall of ’82
Then decided that Hawaii
Had advantages too few.

I headed East to Idaho
For two semesters where
At the North Idaho College
I was a “General Studies” major there.

Then I moved to U of Idaho
In the Fall of ’84.
Stayed only two semesters
I was ready to move some more!

I studied up in Alaska
In the Fall of ’85
Then went back down to Idaho
Such a beautiful long drive!

Whew! In ’87 I graduated from Idaho
With a Journalism degree.
Now I’m ready to be Vice-President
In the “Land of the Free” !!

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The Sarah Palin Convention Speech – Oh What a Night!

September 5, 2008
Sarah Palin convention speech

Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!

Those Republicans
Were thrilled last night!
Their smiles so wide
Their teeth so white!

When their VP pick
Walked on the stage,
She was ready for battle!
She was fully engaged!

There’s usually a film
Before the “Big Talk”
But for some reason,
Tonight they balked.

Now what was the reason
I began to wonder.
Was it lack of substance?
Or just a blunder?

Well Never-the-less
It doesn’t matter.
It was time for the speech,
But there was so much chatter!

People were cheering!
People were shouting!
Enthusiastically chanting
for their Palin outing.

“Thank You. Thank You”
“Thank You. Thank You”
“Thank You. Whew!”
“Are You through?”

She proclaimed: “I’m not a member
of the Washington Elite”
As the Republicans
Jumped up from their seats!

And then she ridiculed
that “Community Organizer
Having been a mayor,
She was so much wiser!

We met her children!
Her snowmobiling spouse!
Her Parents! Her future son-in-law!
It was quite the full house !

Hail to Sarah!
Our Conservative Wonder!
Deliver us from evil
And Democratic Blunder!

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My Ode To Sarah Palin

September 5, 2008

What’s the matter with you people
Who don’t like Sarah Palin?
Sarah Palin’s part of God’s Plan
To fix our country’s ailin’.

To all you PTA presidents
I have nothing but respect.
And if she becomes Vice President
Imagine the effect!

Her fundraising experience
While on the PTA
Could eliminate the Deficit
If allowed to have her day.

A car wash in the morning
Sell cookies after noon
Or maybe some will buy a nice
bouquet of federal balloons.

As the Mayor of Wasilla
A town of 7000 she did run
Why, that’s a lot of people
If you count them one by one!

Heck, she’s probably over-qualified
No other way to spin it.
She’s been Governor of Alaska
For 960 thousand minutes!

I can’t remember when I felt
So good about an election.
With Sarah Palin as Vice President
We’re assured of God’s Protection!

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