I’ll pull any string to win this thing!
I want to be VP so badly.
But what if I could be President?
Uh, that would mean no John, oh sadly.
He is kind of old – It’s a matter of time.
His health could begin to decline.
But doggone it! This is my one Big Chance.
And heck! There’s a four-year deadline.
There must be some way to speed this along.
I’m one clever fox, you betcha.
It’s gotta look like an accident
Or those men in suits will catch ya.
I’ll take him on a hunting trip!
A day all dark and rainy…
No one will suspect a thing
When I shoot him ala Cheney!
First thing I’ll do is tell the Saudis
We don’t need your stinkin oil!
We’ll Drill Baby Drill the Refuge.
Loss of wildlife? We’ll charbroil!
It’s easy to be President!
It just takes common sense.
Got too many Mexicans?
Just build a higher fence!
Our schools will teach the truth
About creation of mankind.
And when it comes to Sex Ed,
Every Child Left Behind!
I’ll be no Nervous Nellie
With those countries like Iran.
Why heck, we’ve got good bombers,
Let’s head out to Pakistan!
I’ll stand strong against all Terror.
All those laws I’ll modify.
The Patriot Act is child’s play
Next to my rebuilt FBI.
Gosh, I might go pick a Justice!
I’ll be sure She makes the grade
By asking Her in secret
‘Bout that evil Roe V. Wade.
In charge, I’ll make some changes
At the Engraving & Printing Bureau.
I’ll fix that sinking dollar!
From now on, we’ll print the Euro!
I keep hearin’ bout some bears on Wall Street.
Are they out there on the loose?
I’ll pull out my trusty rifle
And then shoot ‘em like a moose.
I’ll call on my religion
To lead and guide my hand
At End of Days and Armageddon…
I’ll be fully in command!
I will keep my plan a secret!
We must first win this election.
And when John goes up to Heaven …
You’ll be under my Protection
Using God’s Plan to Perfection!
I will change the world’s direction
Without any circumspection!